Kyrr Elska
by Extreme Touch
Summary: Krista's fear fastens her heart and mouth as she challenges Ymir to answer unspoken questions. During recruitment training. Krista Ymir


_Kyrr Elska - Chapter One: Fyrsta Munr_

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The night was quiet, even as Krista's thoughts were anything but. She tossed and turned in her cot, because no matter what, her body was restless with anxiety; her mind kept wandering to her inadequacy during the drills today. Eventually, her mind would go in circles with self-loathing like so many nights before. She wondered why she tried. She felt her hands claw at the sheets as tears began to form. Compared to the others, she was a weak fool. She knew her body was fragile and her mind not as sharp as some. The trainees probably laughed at her pitiful attempts to be a soldier.

_Why live if I can't live up to expectations_? _I can't even live up to my own._

The tears in her eyes finally fell as she admitted defeat. The barrack was nearly silent except for Krista's sobbing.

"Why're you still up there?" Her bunkmate called out. Krista felt herself stiffen as she held her breath. Her surprise was only momentary.

"Get down here," Ymir's voice was quiet. Krista felt further humiliated.

_How can I call myself a soldier if I can't even sleep on my own…?_

Krista took off the blankets and climbed down the bunk. She curled up in Ymir's bed. Krista didn't face the girl as she got comfortable. She didn't want her weakness and shame to be seen.

"I don't know why you keep trying." Ymir's arms went around her waist as she nuzzled into Krista's shoulder. The blond tensed up at Ymir's words as a deep dread filled her.

_Even Ymir thinks I am useless._

"You should just sleep in my bed." Ymir's voice was even softer now, and Krista was reassured of what Ymir meant; she began to relax. Her hands probed, feeling the protruding and itching straw underneath.

_Not different at all_, she had come to the conclusion weeks ago about the beds. They were made of the same material and were, of course, similarly displeasing.

The arms around her waist gave a responsive shift at her sigh. The nose in her shoulder let out a huff of air. Krista finally gave in and opened her eyes.

Again, a soft breath came onto her back.

_It's only comfortable because of Ymir._

The tall and tan woman—_no, definitely girl_-was embracing her from behind. Given the proximity of the hold, Krista could conclude it was not an embrace, but a very possessive hold on her body. She couldn't help but smile. Even if the sleeping arrangement was questionable, she still felt comfort in its covetous hold. Without thought, she retracted her own arms to hold the ones around her waist. _It's a habit now_, she thought, so much that she couldn't bear sleeping in her own cot.

Krista's cheeks began to heat up at the implications.

_Sleep with…Such an innocent phrase with such a dirty meaning._ She was unsure how else to word it without the double-meaning. It was strange that two girls would sleep next to each other given the situation, but Krista knew what kept her like this. Her fingers interlaced with even bigger ones than her own.

Ymir, the girl who was holding possession of her body, was one of the very few who were seemingly unapproachable by many. She barely spoke except to goad or manipulate others. So it wasn't surprising that by the end of first day, the trainees began to avoid her by associating her presence with mischief when she made Sasha do her chores and favors. Not only was she deceiving, but she was crass! And just—just!—_so very unlikable!_ Yet, somehow, _somehow_, Krista clasped a hand around Ymir's with a timid smile, this unpleasant person was welcoming. Many began to notice the affection Ymir had towards Krista after the first week. While it was brushed off as a friendly attachment, later weeks had proven it to be overwhelming. The trainees who had attempted to associate with Krista were picked alive by her constant friend until they left without barely any pride.

_I don't know why, though._ Krista didn't want to question Ymir's fondness for her, but it was irritating not to know why. Krista took Ymir's hands in her own. The larger hands she currently held moved to holds hers in return. _She treats me differently from the others, because we're friends, but why am I the exception…?_

Krista was unsure how else to go about her thoughts now. Every approach she took—logic, instinct, and even the stress of training—it always brought back to Ymir's feelings. _I already know I can't sleep alone. Not because the beds are different. It's because of Ymir._

_It's comfortable this way._

Extra body heat made the nights tolerable. The blankets were less than satisfactory and a draft blew through the building. But, Krista had to admit she did not see any of their bunkmates doing the same. It only made her even more conscious of their situation and relationship.

_Do friends do this often?_ Krista had come from the countryside where there were hardly any children of her age. Even then, the kids that were present didn't treat her kindly. She had barely any knowledge of how friends interacted until she was enlisted as a recruit. It made her warm with happiness to see unbridled joy. She was but only an observer. Among the trainees who came with friends, she had none. But it was only mere moments that she felt that loneliness. Ymir had become her friend that same day. While many had friends to laugh with, she saw none that gave as much as Ymir did to her. She was a very true friend to Krista by simply tolerating her.

_But, ah,_Krista sighed out loud again, _this is the catch! The thing that always leads back to Ymir!_

It didn't take a genius to notice Ymir was inconsiderate. She took only what she could benefit from, and she didn't share her fortune. Krista knew that Ymir was a thief before the training. When she questioned Ymir about her thievery, Ymir would say it didn't matter now. Krista's impression of Ymir was that she only lived for herself.

_But why is Ymir being nice to me?_ There was definitely no benefit that Krista could see. Krista, for the weeks they spent in bed together, would exhaust reasons after reasons trying to figure out the cogs in Ymir's mind.

_Ymir isn't nice for the sake of it._ Krista knew this by remembering how she picked on everyone since the first day.

"Krista," Ymir's voice was barely a breath against her shoulder. Krista's heart quickened as she felt an apology quickly escape her lips before she could roll over to face her friend. Ymir's amber eyes were impenetrable to Krista's unsaid questions.

"Why're you still up?" Came the grumble. A faint breath went over Krista's face as Ymir spoke. The hands around Krista's waist loosened for a brief moment as the taller girl stretched.

"You keep sighing. It's irritating," Ymir yawned.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Krista felt Ymir's possessive hands take reign over her waist again. Even her knees went around her legs. Krista's blushed as her body felt warm and weak.

"Can't that wait till morning?" Ymir closed her eyes. She didn't know how to be kind when she didn't like something.

"I'm sorry," Krista repeated. She wasn't sure how else to respond without finally giving into the temptation to blurting her questions. A silence fell for a long period of time. Enough for Krista to believe Ymir fell back asleep.

"What's on your mind?" Ymir finally asked. Lying would be pointless at this point. However, it didn't mean Krista could wait out Ymir's attention span. She kept the silence between them as her mind went on battling between telling and keeping this to herself.

"Krista," Ymir spoke as if in warning. The girl's curiosity—if dampened—was insatiable and unrelenting. Krista might as well have begun to dig her own grave, because that's how long Ymir would stay until she got the answers she craved.

"The others…they have a lot of friends, don't they?" Krista began on her last thought that didn't directly associate with Ymir.

"Some, yeah, but what of it?" Ymir wasn't one for dancing around a subject. Krista could tell the girl was impatient as she was tired.

_Poor Ymir! Having to stay up to hear my babbling…_

"They aren't like us, are they?" She continued at her own pace. This time, Ymir took her hands from Krista's waist. She put one on her side as she propped her head up with the other. Krista could tell Ymir was preparing herself for a lengthier conversation.

"No, none of them are like you." Ymir's voice was more coherent than before. Now, both eyes were peering at Krista. She felt her cheeks burn as she tried to keep her mind on the direction of their conversation.

_Ymir even complimented me._ It wasn't like Ymir to do that. It only encouraged Krista further to ask.

"I-I mean," Krista quickly clarified, "the way they act…with each other."

Her rephrasing did not faze Ymir in the slightest. She was seemingly humored by Krista's attempt to change her answer.

"Again, they aren't like you." Ymir put her head back down on the pillow. Krista could already tell Ymir was satiated with what was bugging her.

"That isn't what I mean!" Krista puffed her cheeks up impatiently.

"I know what you mean," Ymir had closed her eyes, nuzzling close and wrapping her arms back around Krista. The girl even had the gall to tug Krista closer than before.

_So possessive!_ Krista frowned. Yet, the fact remained that Krista welcomed this.

"Then answer my question if you know what I mean," Krista frowned.

"Why does it matter?" Ymir was getting comfortable. Her observing eyes were shut.

_Because this confuses me_. Krista couldn't voice the weight of her answer. She could hear what some said of them clearly in her mind even now— saying they were lesbians—a very vulgar word that she didn't like from the beginning, but she wasn't upset by _that_.

"Look at how Ymir is holding her." The voice wasn't supposed to be heard. Krista's eyes went over to the trainees nearby. However, Ymir didn't seem to notice as she kept smiling and holding Krista close. The blond quickly averted her gaze when the group glanced at them. Krista kept the corner of her eyes on them.

"Lesbians," one spoke with a jesting sneer. Another laughed while the other looked disgusted.

"Ymir's probably copping a feel on Lenz." Krista heard a the man spit on the ground. Sasha had approached them now. Krista couldn't pay attention as the girl enthusiastically spoke about something with Ymir.

"Lesbians," the angry man spoke loudly as the other two fixed their gazes on Krista and Ymir, expecting a reaction. Sasha had flinched by the outburst and stared at the group in horror. Krista felt the sharp jab at the comment as Ymir's hug didn't falter. The tall girl didn't even pause in her conversation with Sasha.

"All I hear out of you is food," Ymir gave a small frown to Sasha, who snapped her attention back at Ymir with surprise. The bread loving girl kept looking between the two groups, waiting for a fight to break out.

"Your brain must be made out of bread." Ymir removed an arm from Krista to poke Sasha's head with a smirk. A tense silence fell as Sasha nervously fled the scene, leaving the two groups to sort out their problems. But none came.

"Let's go." The man from the group growled as he realized they wouldn't receive a reaction. Once Ymir and Krista were alone, the blond found the courage to finally speak.

"Ymir?" Krista's voice was shaky as her eyes filled with tears. Krista's hands went up to Ymir's arms to seek comfort. She was confused by what the others had said to them. Not only did the group's words hurt, but they also brought up something Krista had noticed. It was the fact that others were viewing them as a secret couple.

_We're just friends…_

"Don't worry about it." Ymir's breath was in Krista's ear. The blond shuddered as she nodded back the tears.

"It isn't you they're upset by." Her voice was stoic.

Krista recalled a memory. Since then, the question about their relationship had tormented her. Now that she finally was able to ask it, Ymir wasn't answering.

_Just answer me!_

"Sometimes," Ymir began. Krista felt her prayers answered. "You think too much."

"Ymir!" Krista quietly cried in vain. Ymir's face was almost unreadable except for the faint smirk on her lips. Krista wiggled in the girl's adamant hold. She kept this up until she heard others stir in their cots in protest. She faltered in her attempts until everything was quiet again.

"I might," Ymir spoke, "but you can't say it." Krista bit her tongue at Ymir's words. Ymir was holding the fact above the blonde's head. Krista took Ymir's face in her hands to try and shake an answer out of the taller girl.

"If you can't even say what you want, how can you handle what I will say?" Ymir's head moved out of Krista's hands. Her eyes were closed, but Krista could feel the girl staring into her soul. Krista was startled by Ymir's own question.

_Ymir, what're you thinking_? Krista frowned, letting her hands fall back to her sides. Krista already knew what she hoped for. The lack of an answer made her anxious. Krista opened her mouth to protest.

"Krista, I just want to sleep." Krista knew that Ymir was right. They had to sleep. It was in the middle of the night and they couldn't waste their sleep time. The regular drills and training were ruthless and unforgiving.

But it didn't stop the questions from continuing to run through her head.

_Why won't you just answer me?_ Krista put her hands up to Ymir's face again, but holding it so the brunette couldn't move away.

_If I got an answer, I could understand you better._ Ymir's choice to be kind to Krista was questionable. If Krista knew, she could be closer to Ymir. She could erase any doubts about their relationship.

_If she said she loved me more than a friend…_Krista's cheeks flushed as her hand went down to trace Ymir's jaw. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears now. The unrecognizable feeling in her chest was growing.

_I'd be so happy_. Krista closed her eyes as she attentively withdrew her hand. The emotions flooding her were intense, but good. She couldn't describe it, but these feelings wanted Ymir to confess love for her.

_But if she didn't love me..._Krista was about to sigh before Ymir's hand went to Krista's mouth. She felt a sole finger on her lips.

"Enough of that before I slap you." Ymir's warning was heeded.

"I've heard enough sighing for a week," she grumbled more to show that she was really joking. Krista felt the finger still on her mouth. It had lingered longer than intended, but eventually went back down to its respective spot around Krista.

"You really are bothersome," Ymir's last reply was light. Krista felt herself giving a glare in Ymir's direction. Krista let Ymir slink away with a narrow escape this time, but the blond wouldn't let it happen again. She rolled over so Ymir could bury her face in her shoulder again. The night was finally setting Krista to rest as she was beginning to drift off.

Until the _real_ last response of the night came.

"It isn't like you mind it, anyways." Ymir's voice was barely audible against Krista's covered shoulder. She couldn't tell if Ymir knew if she was awake or not. The girl didn't hint at it, but the retort was enough to allow Krista's mind to mull it over before her quick and comfortable slumber.

_I rather enjoy it_, her tired mind shamelessly confessed. While she wanted to know Ymir's feelings, it didn't take away the pleasure of

being in her arms. She let her hands rest over Ymir's like earlier.

_I don't mind what we do._ However, there wasn't the same comfort as before. The embrace held uncertainty and doubts. Krista had finally spoken of what she had wanted to say for weeks, but Ymir deflected it.

…_But it's what you don't say when we do these things that makes me uncomfortable._


End file.
